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Sucker Punch movie poster

Sucker Punch: Movie Review


Genre: Action, Adventure
Rated: PG-13
Directed by: Zack Snyder

Starring: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino, Jon Hamm, Scott Glenn
Released by: Warner Bros. Pictures


In Short: Perhaps the worst movie ever made, “Sucker Punch” is a seriously misguided mashup of bad acting, silly (and prurient) script and idiotic videogame fantasy.

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DUCK!

Avoid Getting Hit By This “Sucker Punch” At All Costs

The tagline on the movie poster for “Sucker Punch” proclaims that “You will be unprepared” for the film you are about to see. Unprepared is right, if they mean unprepared for the moment that you realize that you have settled in to watch one of the all-time worst movies ever made. That realization arrives early on, and nothing that unspools afterward changes that sinking feeling.

Sure, prepubescent males might find a little more to like than females of any age, for “Sucker Punch” is bedecked with five pretty starlets, all dolled up to look like hookers from a bad porn movie. These five, with names like Baby Doll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Amber and Blondie, are trapped inside an insane asylum, where evil doctors and lustful orderlies prey on their every move. The setting seems to be placed vaguely circa the 1940s, in the filthiest mental institution anyone has ever imagined.

Led by Baby Doll (Emily Browning), the newest inmate, whose evil stepdaddy placed her in the horrible hospital, the five hatch a plan for escape before she gets lobotomized. And that’s when Zack Snyder’s movie goes off the rails – and it is only about 10 minutes into the interminable 109-minute flick.

Jena Malone, Abbie Cornish and Vanessa Hudgens in Sucker Punch Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Emily Browning, Scott Glenn, Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung in Sucker Punch

His previous films, “300” and “Watchmen,” have earned him a comic-book fanboy following, which he is apparently pandering to here. One can just imagine Snyder, who is both the writer and director of this one, sitting in a room and saying, “I know! We’ll get a squad of scantily-clad chicks with limited acting skills, give them big shiny weapons and throw them into a bunch of fantasy video game sequences; those dumb guys will love it and pay plenty to see it in IMAX!”

And that’s exactly what he has done, creating mind-numbingly bad otherworld sequences in which the girls slice and dice all sorts of evil creatures, ostensibly to collect five talismans that will help them escape from their hospital prison. Of course, the sequences are not actually real, but all in their minds, where they escape as they are forced to do stripper dances for the evil orderlies at the institution.

There’s a bit more to the plot, and one has to wonder why decent actors like Scott Glenn and Jon Hamm said yes to roles in this disjointed, ridiculous mess of a film, but it doesn’t really matter. With a muddy brown visual look to the thing that will make your skin crawl if you actually sit through this whole stinking mishmash of a movie, it’s likely you’ll want to immediately go home and take a bath. So don’t let “Sucker Punch” leave you unprepared; be prepared for just how terrible it is. And what you won’t be able to wash off is the fact that you just wasted almost two hours of your life watching this dreck.

Reviewed by Jenny Peters

 



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(Updated: 03/25/11 CT)

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