Disunited We Stand!

By Andre Gayot
We already have a glut of sushi

We already have a glut of sushi

By André Gayot

Formerly a KGB analyst in the late 1990’s, Igor Panarine holds a doctorate degree in psychology and is now the director of studies of the Diplomatic Academy of the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He teaches the Russian diplomats that the US will soon disintegrate, as well as its currency – the almighty dollar – which will be replaced by the “Americano.”  


Igor forecasts such a demise to take place as soon as the fall of 2010. The reason for this cataclysm is the “moral failure” and “the psychological stress” of the country with its “considerable population of homosexuals.” A country , he contends, that can’t build enough jails for all  its criminals.  He carries on: following a civil war, the US will split in six fragments. The East Coast will go to the European Union, Canada will take over the Midwest, Mexico will seize the southern states, China and Japan will share the West Coast while Alaska will return to Russia.

   We can reasonably assure Igor that the U.S. is not really fearful of this future and is ready for such an evolution. In the Gastronomy sector for instance, aren’t we pretty well prepared?


On the West Coast, California harbors enough sushi and tempura eateries to feed all the sons and daughters of the Empire of the Rising Sun.  We may have to increase slightly the number of Chow Meins, Wontons, Dim Sums and Cantonese rice distributors to meet the huge demand, but the Thaïs could probably help somewhat on that front. The South is a no brainer, there’s no shortage in view of tortillas, tacos and burritos.  The East Coast could be the exception. Predictably enough, the Europeans might export their chronic feuds to the Big Apple and Philly. We can hear the French proclaiming the superiority of Cassoulet over Sauerkraut and the Italians chanting the merit of spaghetti against that of the Belgian (yes, Belgian and not French) fries. Let’s hope that, if properly monitored by the Brussels commission, the dispute will not degenerate in unrest. Sharing the same snow storms and oversized nature, the Midwest has no problems with the Canadian rulers. As to Alaska, the consumption there of vodka is as of 2009 likely satisfying, however, some improvements might be needed on the Borsch front. No big deal.



So you see Igor, don’t worry: disunited we (also) stand!